J
Jak Angelescu
Guest
Everyone knows my private teacher now. Either you've seen me bragging about him here or on Instagram, or you have seen my growth videos. But what I HAVE NOT shared yet, are some things about how we view ourselves as guitarists. And this was what I wanted to share with everyone, especially because so many students here suffer from anxiety and lack of confidence.
EVERY...FUCKING...LESSON I get nervous. When I say nervous; I mean my heart races, I'm frantic, I even start crying. I bash my studies in to double-time mode and I take everything VERY serious. When I fuck up, I think "Oh my God. He's going to see me mess up and he's going to say 'you should be better by now. You've had a whole week'." Why do I do this? I thought to myself. During the lesson I scratch my legs, I breathe hard, and it's hard for me to focus. Next thing I know, I fuck up what I'm suppose to play for him.
Now YESTERDAY was HUGE for me. As you all know, those sextuplets for that solo I posted on Instagram was a Hail To The King-esque landmark for my guitar playing. I excitedly texted him, he saw the video, he praised me and said "I can't wait to watch you play it soon!"
Guess what? I fucked it up that day. Badly. As I got upset, he said, "What's wrong? You did great!" And I responded "I just was so proud of getting that and I was so excited to show you and now I can't do it. And I, as a student, want to make you proud. I played it so good yesterday and now I can't do it."
His response changed my life. And I hope it changes yours, too.
He said, "We are NEVER going to be able to play something we did great every day. It just won't happen. You always say you want to make me proud but here's the thing: I don't care if you fuck it up. I just want to see you DO it. Not to mention, there IS such a thing as playing something SO much to where you start fucking it up. You can have it great for a month and then suck at it. It's just how it is. That's why I have bad shows and good shows."
THEN, he asked me to play the rest of the solo, to which I hadn't even tapped into it yet. Then he said "So all you're focusing on is the sextuplets?"
"Yes, because it's the hardest part."
And he responded, "I'd rather see you fuck up the whole solo at a slow speed than nail those few small measures up to speed. Because the whole solo is FULL of techniques and theory I'm trying to teach you. And you're not learning them if you don't learn the whole solo."
It was then at that moment I calmed down. I hadn't realized how much I too, had been put in the hot seat of "trying to look good as a guitarist" in front of someone. So now, I understand where ALL of you are coming from when you say "I feel like I'm not good enough and I'm too scared to post."
Want to know a secret? HE FUCKED UP HIS OWN SOLO. Of course, him screwing up his own solo is FAR better than when I play it at my absolute best. But he laughed and said, "See? Even I'm fucking it up. And I forgot my own solo!"
When I watched Syn play during our little surprise lesson, he was FAR BETTER THAN I COULD EVER HOPE TO BE. But he messed up still. He gets nervous too. I saw him as perfect. But he knew where he messed up.
I wanted to share that with you all because I hope it helps inspire anyone here to take a deep breath, not rush against anything, and JUST...FUCKING...DO IT. It doesn't matter if you suck in the beginning. Just do it.
Love you all! I'm out for a walk and then I got a full 8 hours today of recording. Happy 4th of July weekend everyone!
EVERY...FUCKING...LESSON I get nervous. When I say nervous; I mean my heart races, I'm frantic, I even start crying. I bash my studies in to double-time mode and I take everything VERY serious. When I fuck up, I think "Oh my God. He's going to see me mess up and he's going to say 'you should be better by now. You've had a whole week'." Why do I do this? I thought to myself. During the lesson I scratch my legs, I breathe hard, and it's hard for me to focus. Next thing I know, I fuck up what I'm suppose to play for him.
Now YESTERDAY was HUGE for me. As you all know, those sextuplets for that solo I posted on Instagram was a Hail To The King-esque landmark for my guitar playing. I excitedly texted him, he saw the video, he praised me and said "I can't wait to watch you play it soon!"
Guess what? I fucked it up that day. Badly. As I got upset, he said, "What's wrong? You did great!" And I responded "I just was so proud of getting that and I was so excited to show you and now I can't do it. And I, as a student, want to make you proud. I played it so good yesterday and now I can't do it."
His response changed my life. And I hope it changes yours, too.
He said, "We are NEVER going to be able to play something we did great every day. It just won't happen. You always say you want to make me proud but here's the thing: I don't care if you fuck it up. I just want to see you DO it. Not to mention, there IS such a thing as playing something SO much to where you start fucking it up. You can have it great for a month and then suck at it. It's just how it is. That's why I have bad shows and good shows."
THEN, he asked me to play the rest of the solo, to which I hadn't even tapped into it yet. Then he said "So all you're focusing on is the sextuplets?"
"Yes, because it's the hardest part."
And he responded, "I'd rather see you fuck up the whole solo at a slow speed than nail those few small measures up to speed. Because the whole solo is FULL of techniques and theory I'm trying to teach you. And you're not learning them if you don't learn the whole solo."
It was then at that moment I calmed down. I hadn't realized how much I too, had been put in the hot seat of "trying to look good as a guitarist" in front of someone. So now, I understand where ALL of you are coming from when you say "I feel like I'm not good enough and I'm too scared to post."
Want to know a secret? HE FUCKED UP HIS OWN SOLO. Of course, him screwing up his own solo is FAR better than when I play it at my absolute best. But he laughed and said, "See? Even I'm fucking it up. And I forgot my own solo!"
When I watched Syn play during our little surprise lesson, he was FAR BETTER THAN I COULD EVER HOPE TO BE. But he messed up still. He gets nervous too. I saw him as perfect. But he knew where he messed up.
I wanted to share that with you all because I hope it helps inspire anyone here to take a deep breath, not rush against anything, and JUST...FUCKING...DO IT. It doesn't matter if you suck in the beginning. Just do it.
Love you all! I'm out for a walk and then I got a full 8 hours today of recording. Happy 4th of July weekend everyone!