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Almost feel like giving up

Rute Rodrigues

Campfire Attention Holder
  • Nov 11, 2019
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    Hi brothers and sisters, as you know I used to be a pretty much active member here but maybe you realised that these last days I kinda disappeared from the forums.
    I talked to my best friends here, they already know the shit I'm living but I think I should talk to you too. You guys are a 2nd family to me. I miss you guys. So here it goes:

    I've been with problems about how to be a guitar student and a school student. I'm in 11th grade in a science course, like the hardest year ever. My grades are REALLY bad, and, because of that my parents dont let me play as much as I want. They tell me to study all my free time and they only let me play at the end of the day for 30/40 minutes.

    They say that if I don't do better at school, they take my guitars with them...
    Last month they toke my guitars with them and they put them in a locked room and I didn't play for so long... They always say that I'm destroying my future when I'm practicing instead of studying. They say I'm stupid. They say I play bad. They say that there's too much good players on earth, so no one cares about me.

    They say if my grades keep bad they sell my guitars.

    I've been working hard to get better grades, I really am, but I can't. School is hard. Maths, chemistry... I can't do good....

    I don't wanna give up guys. I'm trying to play sweep picking 2nd etude. I'm trying, I don't know if I can. Music is my only passion, the only thing I care about and the only thing gives me joy. The only job I want. My dad wants me to be a doctor. My mum wants me to b a nurse. I want me in a good job with money. I don't care about that I want to make a living on music, you know? I'd love to have supportative parents, ID love to go to a music school

    I don't any live gigs to play. Don't have anyone to jam with. I'm alone in my room trying to understand chemistry formulas while I just can practice for 40 minutes. I want to practice for at least 4 hours, but I can't....

    I don't know. I don't wanna give up. I'll try to be back more active here as some time ago, maybe it helps me to don't give up... Miss this family, I love you so much.

    Did you have parents like mine when you were 16?
     
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    Dominik Gräber

    Hot Topic Tourer
    Contest Winner!
  • Nov 11, 2019
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    I'm so sorry for you. Not having supportive parents suck although they might not be wrong in all points. I think it's really hard in nowadays music industry to get somewhere, but that won't stop you if you're passionate about it. But what your parents do as a sentence is what you should do as a motivation. School IS important and if it is only to have a plan B that's fine. You want a plan B.

    Now I think you should do what your parents force you to, although you should be able to decide for yourself. Set yourself goals like "I want to understand 3 sections in chemistry today, my reward is playing afterwards". Maybe if your parents see that you keep the goals you set yourself you can get back your freedom in that regard. However, just push through it, I know myself how hard it is to find motivation but it gets better eventually. A couple of years ago you won't have to rely on your parents. Just don't let them kill what you love. I'm sure you'll make it through and I'm glad you're hanging around here again. Remember, you can always come to us and we will help you as well
     

    idssdi

    Sold-out Crowd Surfer
    Nov 11, 2019
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    Doesn't sound like your parents deserve parent of the year awards because that's horrible. My mom has threatened to take away my guitar too in the past but she never actually did it because I managed to get passing grades in the end(I don't think she actually would have done it either).

    That to many good players argument may just be the biggest rubbish I've ever heard. Being the best technical guitar player doesn't mean you're the best songwriter and the money is in the songwriting not in technical ability. I would recommend to have a plan B though(living under a bridge isn't nice).

    Also, I study applied physics so I'm pretty good at physics, math and some chemistry so you can ask me questions if you want to.
     

    Adin Shepherd

    Music Theory Bragger
    Nov 11, 2019
    480
    2
    927
    Melbourne, Australia
    It sounds like your your parents have good intentions, they just want what they think is best for you. The problem is it's what THEY think is best for you, which may not always line up with what you think is best.

    If possible speak to you parents about how you feel and try and reach a compromise between your study and practice. Worst case scenario, you ride it out, study hard and practice the 30 or so minutes a day you have available. In the end 30 minutes is better than nothing and used wisely will still be beneficial.

    As the father of a 16yr old who has a passion for theater and acting we have an agreement with her that ensures she studies and gets to continue acting.
     

    Edward John

    New Student
    Nov 11, 2019
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    UK
    I know this isn't what you want to hear but your parents may have a point. I never really had this problem because I was about 18 when I started playing, which is relatively late. But I never let the guitar get in the way of my studies. As Papa Gates said, he's made more money singing than actually playing guitar. Guitar should be treated as a hobby until you reach the point where you can make a living out of it, and with this music industry, that isn't likely. School is important, I know you love guitar and so do I, but education is so important, more important now than ever actually. You don't need to be good at maths and chemistry, I sucked at maths and science and still got accepted at a prestigious university for literature. If you love music, then you are probably at the more creative side, focus on that maybe? Just my opinion though. Hope you don't give up on the site.
     

    Calvin Phillips

    Music Theory Bragger
    Nov 11, 2019
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    Did you purchase those guitars or did they? I understand morals but you're not a child.. taking your belongings and torturing you isnt gonna motivate you .. especially if you bought them. Cause that's technically theft.

    That said.. 40 minutes play time is more then enough a day. You gotta manage priorities. There was a post recently about time management. You dont need to play 5 hours a day.. the reason jak gets away with it is I feel her job is a bit more time flexible then most.. being able to schedule appointments... know ahead of time what you have to use where time wise.

    With school.. that becomes difficult. Here's what I would do if I were you. Take some songs you've been learning on guitar and listen to those songs when you study. When you go back to the guitar for that half hour.. work on those specific songs.. ideally having those songs playing while you study will keep your brain familiar with the info. And come test time those same songs are still In your head. That way you sorta mix the 2 together too. You're not just playing for guitar there.. and you're relating your guitar work with school. How can your parents say no?
     
    Reactions: Rute Rodrigues

    Calvin Phillips

    Music Theory Bragger
    Nov 11, 2019
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    Anyone who has math problems of physics just needs to look at it as theory.. theory is essentially math equations in the end. Following a consistent pattern.
     

    idssdi

    Sold-out Crowd Surfer
    Nov 11, 2019
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    Anyone who has math problems of physics just needs to look at it as theory.. theory is essentially math equations in the end. Following a consistent pattern.
    That's really not true

    Math is numbers. In physics those numbers mean something if you don't know what those numbers mean you will suck at physics because you have no clue what you're actually doing.
     

    Calvin Phillips

    Music Theory Bragger
    Nov 11, 2019
    2,588
    1,988
    That's really not true

    Math is numbers. In physics those numbers mean something if you don't know what those numbers mean you will suck at physics because you have no clue what you're actually doing.

    You're not looking at it the way I do. You may not know what those numbers mean.. but they never change. The variables change the result.. but the results are always consistent. You could say the same thing about chemistry.
     

    idssdi

    Sold-out Crowd Surfer
    Nov 11, 2019
    5,336
    6,754
    Groningen
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    You're not looking at it the way I do. You may not know what those numbers mean.. but they never change. The variables change the result.. but the results are always consistent. You could say the same thing about chemistry.
    I honestly can't remember the last time I could pass a physics exam based on math alone and I have done a lot of exams
     
    Hi Rute! We already had a talk about this, so you know how I feel about this situation.
    I wanted to share this link with you, this website offers FREE tutorials on math, physics and chemistry. A teacher showed it to us back when I was in high school, it might help you understand the concepts and improve your grades.
    Treat it like you would treat this website and with hard work your grades will improve in no time!
    You can do this! We won't let you give up $yster!

     
    J

    Jak Angelescu

    Guest
    I think this thread is going in a direction that is kind of off topic. Essentially, everybody in the world can give her help with math and chemistry but that's not going to fix her problem. Her parents are completely unreasonable. It doesn't matter if she scores straight a's all across-the-board her parents are still going to be leeches into her adulthood.
    As much as I don't like her, show them Nita Strauss. She actually dropped out of school when she was 16 and now she's one of the most famous female guitarists in the world and makes a hell of a lot of good money touring for one of the biggest acts of all time.
    The difference between you and Nita is that Nita had her parents basically paying for everything for her when she 1st got started. Her parents were extremely supportive and allowed her to stay home and her dad was a musician that helped her get her foot in the industry. It's the same thing with Jayden. Now look at where he is now he is playing sold-out shows across the world and he's barely 12 years old. I'm not saying that you should give up school and you should do horribly. Simply do the best you can but I'll still tell you that you are not gonna be able to do anything you want to until you move out and that should be your focus. You should focus hard on your school and realize that the payoff will be an even better career in music. You will be able to have a better job and you will be able to move out and be away from your parents and you will be able to afford all the guitars that you want. Unfortunately unless your parents are willing to shell out cash for you and your dream you are going to have to do it on your own. If your mother takes away your guitars kill her with kindness. Get as good as you can with school and use that as your motivation to move out and get the hell away from them. Your parents are not loving parents if they are treating you like that and I don't care who tells me otherwise. That's not love, that's tyranny and dictatorship.

    If you let this break you and not make you you are not the girl I thought you were. You are unbreakable. Life DOES exist outside of high school and outside of these years of your life. I still had to bite the bullet and fight with my parents up until my mom passed away 4 years ago and I still fight with it with my dad. It never changes.
    You will never quit because it's your Passion and I won't let you quit. You have come too far and you are too talented with too much to do. You need to organize your priorities. Just like me with my real estate. I fucking hate doing it. But I grit my teeth and I bear it so I can get Out on my own and fund my music career.
    All and all, times suck now. But remember my dear it won't last forever. Life will move on and you will become the musician you are destined to be don't let this small setback get you down.
    If your parents become unreasonable and mean again just smile and surrender because right now there's nothing you can do and it's no use fighting or trying to reason with people like that. Just let that drive you even further and show them what you can do.
    My parents told me my music was never going to go anywhere and look who one of my best friends are and look what I do on his school. I love you baby doll.
     
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    Christian Schulze

    Hot Topic Tourer
    Rockstar Student
    Nov 11, 2019
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    Hey Rute, I completely understand your situation.

    I began playing guitar the summer before starting my fourth and by far hardest year of my Biochemistry Degree. I always wanted to play guitar but truly didnt start until that summer. During the year, I had to go to the university at 8 am and I basically came home at 8 pm, which was hard but in the little time I had I practiced (whilst waiting for the oven to cook next days lunch for instance ). Being a natural science grad I understand how hard the science course in High school was. Guitar truly helped me take some time off the science stuff, which gave me a lot of anxiety! All the stuff to remeber is tough! I would talk to your parents and honestly tell them that guitar as a hobby helps you relax your mind off the science stuff which is hard. But at the moment you gotta work with what you have, maybe make a practices schedule that fits the timeframe. And at the end of the week reward yourself with learning new stuff which you can implement in the new schedule.

    As cheesy as it may sound, where there is a will there is a way. Right now focus on getting through this tough time and then you can go on your desired carreer path. It may be stupid, but I myself want both science and music in my life, I want a Nobel prize and be a successfull guitarist (maybe aiming a bit high?).

    I hope my take helps you out? Good luck with that situation.

    Oh BTW.....dont let anybody tell you that you suck...they have no idea how hard it is to have a dream in life. You should not look for their approval of your playing. Your playing is yours, only you can play what you play on this rock flying through space! Its YOUR VOICE. ( I ripped off Dave Grohl with that speech but you get the point right? )
     
    Reactions: AGA

    John Robinson

    Music Theory Bragger
    Nov 11, 2019
    367
    504
    Nashville tn.
    Ok old bastard and parent advice here...as parents we're not always right granted im a supportive parent but we dont always get it right and also i agree with jak right now just grin and bare it because its not permanent.im not saying disown your parents but when you get your own place you can do what you want but also understand that education is important so study hard and play when you can..im not able to play alot right now because of work but im in the forums every night i learn stuff just reading so hang in there and what ever you do dont quit
     

    Ed Seith

    Supreme Galactic Overlord
    Staff member
    Legend+
  • Nov 11, 2019
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    soundcloud.com
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    Simple, hard truth time.

    Your parents actually WANT you to succeed. They do love you. They have difficulty accepting that music is a path to success.

    They're not wrong, if you're honest. For every Syn out there making millions, there are literally millions out there not making ANYTHING. I know - I was one of them. Well, still am, but it's less relevant to me now. There's a REASON that most first-generation entertainment success stories are people who started with nothing - they had nothing to lose and parents could pin their hopes on the minuscule chance of success like buying a lottery ticket with their last $2.

    Syn is not first generation. Papa (I think) was. He could speak to his life growing up, if he wants to, but it may have been long enough ago that it didn't matter (no offense, big man!) - the industry changes a lot.

    Grades = choices. Period. The better your grades are, the more choices you will have in life. The more options and, dare I say, the more freedom. To pursue your passions, or whatever. And if you've gathered the smarts along with the chops, you're not relying on people you may or may not be able to trust to handle those decisions for you. Read up on Billy Joel and what his brother-in-law/manager did to him. There are a million stories like that. They used to call them "Behind the Music" on VH1.

    The other equation to consider is "communication = maturity." Take some time to compose your thoughts about a compromise you could make with your parents. Sit down with them calmly (at a good, calm time for all of you), and let them know you want to work towards a solution that proves to them that you're taking your schoolwork seriously while also allowing you reasonable time to play guitar. Explain that you know that while you want to be a successful musician, you are also aware that you need to have a backup plan and that knowledge is power - that even if you DO make it in music, you understand that you need an education to really understand it.

    My parents did not understand my love of music. They never got it. But as long as my grades were decent, they left me alone. Not GREAT, but decent. Find the balance that works with your parents. They DO love you - they just don't understand a better way to approach it. There's no handbook that comes with the job, and it's REALLY FUCKING HARD sometimes. We make mistakes.

    And you... You're very good. VERY good. But that's no guarantee of success. Being the BEST is no guarantee of success. That's entertainment.

    Good luck. We love you.
     

    Edward John

    New Student
    Nov 11, 2019
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    Completeley agree, Ed.
     
    Reactions: Ed Seith

    John Robinson

    Music Theory Bragger
    Nov 11, 2019
    367
    504
    Nashville tn.
    How dare you come in with better advice than mine
    But im glad you did you hit points that i didnt
     
    Reactions: AGA and Ed Seith

    Calvin Phillips

    Music Theory Bragger
    Nov 11, 2019
    2,588
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    I honestly can't remember the last time I could pass a physics exam based on math alone and I have done a lot of exams
    I'm not gonna debate it with you. But I look at my scale patterns the exact same way. It's an equation. Algebra. Even though the variables change the equation always stays the same. Is there is ever a time where the chemical reaction would not be the same there would be a change on variables.

    I never really studied the science side a lot but I had great numbers in physics as I did in math . Why? Cause everything was an equation in grade 11 physics. You learn a ton of them through the the year or i did atleast. And come test time.. they were problem solving questions that required the equations you learned.

    A lot of the world is honestly numbers involved on science. You can look at it complex like.. maybe up the positions in science they may look different. But even if the looks are different I am willing to bet the results are still the same.

    But I'm not here to argue this. Im just showing you how I look at it. I look at my job the same way. I see what adding a little moisture can do to a cooking cycle.. or increasing the fans to spread the moisture around. The speeds may be different or the amount I put in.. but the result of what I'm doing never changes. The results are pretty consistent. I make the same adjustments everyday dor the same results. I couldn't tell you the exact numbers behind them.. but I domt really need to know all of them. Just the change and the result.. which nornally is the same change to the same result.
     

    Rute Rodrigues

    Campfire Attention Holder
  • Nov 11, 2019
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    OMG all of this is amazing!! That's because of this that I love this school and I love all of you! I can really feel the brotherhood of you all here and I don't know why I thought that take some time out would help to concentrate myself. Duh, nevermore. ❤
    Anyways, your advices were pretty good. And it all makes sense and helped me to stay calm. Ill try to make the possible to do better at school. I'll sit down with my family and tell them that I'll study and I'll try to do better, but that I also want and need to play. They don't need to take my guitars with them because I'll promise that I'll try to understand mathematics and chemistry. I know that I need a 2nd thing because music cannot work. I always knew that. That's why I went to science. And I always tried to do my best. The situation got impossible when they started to take my guitars away and telling me to give up.
    But because of your help I can think better now. I'll have a conversation with them, say that I can do good at both.
    I have an idea bow. I'll finish high school and I'll study to be a nurse and at the same time I'll study in a music school here in Portugal. They can't say no. I'll follow my dream and at the same time I'll have a 2nd job.
     

    Edward John

    New Student
    Nov 11, 2019
    782
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    UK
    Ed, you should be charging people for this kind of advice! Plus, it took a lot not to mention a certain band in Canada.