My parents were always pretty passive about me playing. They reluctantly helped me rent my first guitar and amp for a few months, probably hoping I’d give up on it like everything else that wasn’t easy. Clearly, I didn’t.
Once it was clear I was serious, Mom always worried I’d wind up strung out in an “opium den,” even though those (as far I know) hadn’t been a thing since long before I was born, at least not in the US. Funny thing, to this day, I’ve never tried a single “recreational” drug besides alcohol. Not even weed.
Regardless, I really didn’t feel especially supported, nor especially discouraged. That changed.
Fast forward some years. I’d become a bit of a local hot-shot guitar player. I’d just recorded a demo with my band. We spent a fortune, and put everything we had into it. I wrote a lot of the music (none of the lyrics) and played the bulk of the guitars. Also, since our bassist quit after recording his tracks, and since he’d recorded them to tape in stereo (making them useless), I played pretty much all the bass, as well. It had taken us months of weekends to record, and we were immensely proud of it.
I gave her a copy of the tape. We couldn’t afford to do CDs, and at the time they weren’t really expected for demos yet. I figured a few days later, I’d get the “it has a good beat” and well, at least she tried, right?
Nope. I came home from work one night (grown man, in my own condo, which I bought myself) To find a paper bag taped to my door with a note. She’d apparently read some of the lyrics printed in the cassette liner (which, honestly, were not especially “naughty” or anything) and decided it was trash and that she was disappointed and expected better of me.
She didn’t even hear any of MY work. My creativity. It was crushing.
And that was when I stopped caring (for the second time) about parental approval for what I did in my life. I brought it up to her a few years ago. She didn’t remember anything about it and swears she would never do such a thing.
But she did. And I carried on, and continued chasing my dream. What else was I gonna do? Quit??
Obviously, I never caught that dream. But I got to walk away from it on my own terms, and I still have some amazing memories of putting myself out there and taking the chance, and no one, ever, can take that away from me.
Some of life’s challenges we face with the support of those we love and trust the most. Some we must face alone. You will find others to inspire you to chase your best self. Don’t give up.
You rock. On your own.