Ids, ive seen that you have been tipsy a few times now haha!
Andrew, in regards to the sweeping, looking closely I see that the motion in your right hand on the descend is near enough there. However the ascending motion, its almost like you are picking and not sweeping. Could I suggest an exercise. Mute the strings with your left hand, and with your right hand, practice the sweeping motion. You wont pick up speed with that ascending motion. You must not individually pick the notes, but you must use a sweeping motion.
Next I would break down sweeping patterns to 2 strings. Syn has fantastic examples in his sweeping etudes where he plays only 2 strings so you can work on your picking motion. He gradually adds strings. So when you are comfortable to do so, practice the 3 string sweeps and so on.
Andrew, could I suggest as well that practicing with a metronome really does help. It keeps you in time, and when you are in time, the sweeping motion is clearer and accurate. Sometimes continuously hearing a click makes practice tedious and repetitive. But in the long run, you will be glad you did so.
Really nice attempt though! Your bends and vibrato are absolutely spot on, and the notes are crystal clear, but definitely try the above work outs!