Oh...my....God. I can't even begin to think on how to respond to this. The difference between Syn and I is he gets all excited and hyper when these things are sent to him. But me? I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep so I thought I'd jump on here and I got the notification.
I sat in my room on the floor and within about 2 seconds I had tears in my eyes. My heart is full, my nerves are still, my soul at peace and I have the biggest smile and I can't stop crying. I know that I had a huge breakdown and called Rowan about three weeks ago with something massively life-changing that happened and I haven't been the same person since. I've tried SO hard to fight on a balance between "being the nice, calm and always positive girl" and saying "fuck it sometimes shit sucks and we can make it through". Well fuck it, not all of us can be Marsha Brady, right?
I'm not backspacing and I'm just writing from the heart here. I can't even begin to believe that you ALL have loved me and cheered me on throughout all of my ups and downs, because I too can lose my patience and it shows. But to know you all are still my friends after all of it is literally just...fucking mindblowing.
You all are more amazing than my own family. I just can't put into words what this meant to me. I always thought that what I did on here was just daily living. But to know how many people's lives I've impacted? (By the way,
@Rute Rodrigues you can TOTALLY call me out as your friend on stage!)
Here's my honesty: My life has been fucking hard but because it's been hard I've been damn determined to make it right. We all deserve to be happy. And so when I logged on here for the first time, I didn't realize how many people felt so horribly of themselves. It broke my heart. I saw students giving up, bashing themselves, fighting through life-changes. I saw it all. And in this world a lot of people are lonely, and I don't want anyone to feel that way. I want EVERY FUCKING SOUL ON THIS SITE to know that when the world has turned it's back on you, when you turn to go the other way I'll be the first thing you see, because I always have your fucking back.
The amazing thing about this is,
@Ed Seith and I have scrapped a few times. We have nipped at each other in many different ways but THE MOMENT I needed help with my home recording endeavors he was right there to pick up the phone, and anything we ever said beforehand was a thing of the past.
I have also gotten VERY short-tempered out of love with some of the people on this video, and to see their gorgeous faces and wonderful words of love just fucking is priceless. That shows the REAL bond between all of us is rooted far deeper than music.
I for one, am honored to share the same friendship with all of you that look up to Syn and PG so much because they are just great fucking dudes. Therefor, this video only concludes that I'm a great fucking dude.
I don't know if you all know how much this means to me. I really truly wish I could put into words how much this just makes me want to work harder because I have just so many people believing in me. Seriously. Other than Holly, this school and it's participants have been the only people in my life cheering me on. Wow, I feel like I could write a fucking book about how this video made me feel.
I will ALWAYS fucking cherish it. Thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart for being a part of this. And I promise to all of you I will continue to be on here and working hard for all of you. So many people say, "How do you do it? I couldn't do that." This school is my baby, all of you are my dear loved ones. I call myself Momma Cat for a reason and a momma cat cares for her kittens. I, by no means, am saying that any of you are irresponsible or incapable. You're just REALLY FUCKING LOVED by me. This school gave me my hope back of my biggest dream in life and ALL of you have been a part of it. And I love you all for that.
Lastly, I must admit I'm not AS active on the forums as I use to be. But it's because I'm either working on stuff for the site or working on my music or just (barf) working in general. It doesn't do me any good to have all of the motivation and encouragement from ALL OF YOU if I don't utilize it. However, this school has blossomed into a community like I've never seen before. No one gets unanswered and no one gets left behind. You all are truly carrying the torch now.
Gosh... I just... I can't say it enough. My wonderful, wonderful family. This couldn't have come at a better time. I think one of the most beautiful things about this video is seeing everyone's individual personalities coming through!
Thank you once again, all of you!!! This was the best gift I ever could have asked for. I was simply taken aback by the stories everyone shared and ALL of their heartfelt love. Truly.
All my love,
Jak
PS
@Hector Trejo I loved your little song. And yes I laughed at your clips!!
