There is so much to acknowledge in this post. But don’t let this paragraph response overwhelm you
Just take a deep breath and read it. First of all, I’m super happy to know that the video inspired you. That’s what it’s suppose to do. But Andrew in all seriousness, I think you need to find a better direction of motivation, or actually zone in on what your motivation is. There have been plenty of times I’ve spoken with you privately where I can see that you seem to be on a journey of finding “self worth” and you look for your sense of self worth by whether or not you are “good enough” in someone else’s eye. You have your YouTube channel and your covers, which ultimately, is not you. I’m giving my tough love here. It’s not YOU. Your YouTube channel is nothing but an entertainment channel based off of another artist. And your covers are ultimately the same thing. You’ve expressed your concerns to me numerous times about when someone insults your YouTube page or your covers. These are the two biggest things that listeners have something they can compare it to (example: Someone else’s cover is better, you play nothing like Syn or this person’s YouTube page of their content is better).
You have nothing that represents YOU. I really hope you start finding your OWN voice as a musician.
I had a conversation with Syn and normally I don’t talk about our conversations but I think this holds a LOT of merit and needs to be said and you should know who it came from because since you idolize him so much, I hope you take it to heart more. In the conversation, I expressed my worries to him that I can’t keep up with the demands and requests of people and I was worried if I didn’t, I would lose respect from him, PG and the school community. He told me, “Fuck that shit. This school is for YOU. If you want to go dark and not respond to people and focus on your own work, then do it. If you feel happy about commenting and wishing people luck or helping them, DO IT. If you need to voice your frustrations about life on the forums, DO IT. This school is for you, and ONLY you, however you see fit.”
If you don’t respond or comment or post, no one hates you. But if you’re looking to get better it’s the BIGGEST thing that will help! As far as my homework assignments go, they are there at YOUR leisure and can be completed whenever you wish! They’re just a motivational tool to help students stay focused.
Syn has said it numerous times that he himself has learned a lot from beginners. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t that good with theory or if you feel your playing is terrible. I have learned the biggest life-changing techniques from two beginners on here. And sometimes they give me amazing MENTAL advice as an approach to practicing. EVERYONE HERE has something they can offer. And believe it or not, you may think you don’t contribute a lot but you do. You participated in the birthday video, you participated in the testimonial video, and you are ALWAYS giving other students praise which is so desperately needed when we feel low. You give great feedback. I don’t care what you say.
You do have MOTIVATION because the WILL is there, the problem is enacting on it. I hope your therapist is helping. As I know mental struggles are hell to deal with. But I’m here for you and so is this entire community. We all love you.