Nothing.

[Calvin Phillips]

You come to a new place. Try something new. Thinking it's the answer. Maybe push yourself for once and see where it goes. Maybe you will like it. Nothing.

Maybe you'll meet new friends? New interactions. Break out of your bubble. Just maybe. Nothing.

Escape to the online world? Maybe see the games for what they are? Maybe being good at something will help. Your parents dont agree though. Neither do the people you play with. They will soon disappear. Vanish. Nothing.

Maybe its just the group? Let's get away from the group.find a new group? Nope nothing. Failed. Nothing.

Maybe see some old friends? Maybe they will help you out. Seems nice enough. Oh wait they just kept everything from you. Jacked up your Bill's. And split. Another waste. And still nothing.

It won't matter where you go. Or what you do itll be nothing. Lets try with your best friend. Oh wait her boyfriend hates you and feels you need to go. They leave instead. Leaving you with nothing. But lonesome and a bit rental fee. Nothing.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Let's try this. He seems nice. Affordable. His place looks dirty but so did mine. Seems he is in weird mood all the time. Do you think that's drugs? His friends too. This doesnt seem right. The last straw was the gretsch missing. Doesnt matter though because you're top late and he knows you're leaving. The cops are called and tell us to split. He takes everything he can before the police arrive. It's all gone. You have nothing worthy left. Nothing at all. Just nothing

You're choices make no sense. You almost do this to yourself. Try to reach out though. It tends to make some sense. But in the end makes no sense. You give yourself nothing.

.. as you can see my life is not easy. I dont get handed anything. And I've lost as much or more then I've gained. I have basically no one really to count on outside this site for any support whatsoever. I come here to feel better and welcome as I know others here feel the same way as I do at times. I know this place makes them feel stronger. It used to for me as well.

Until I started adding members to my Facebook. Where they would publically put me down I front of my family.

"MAYBE ITS YOU! you can sit there and try or keep complain "

Dunno about you but in todays world the whole insult to motivate doesn't work. Especially when you're depressed. The last thing you need is more out downs.

At that point I stopped adding people to my fb. I figured my music page would be enough. No one seems to notice it though or like it. Seems like a waste of space to me.

Anyways. I've met some good people from here. Became good friends with a one. Or two. Most never reach out. Barely comment. I'm not even sure they watch. Maybe just like. I see everyone elses and they gets tons of likes and comments. But absolutely nothing for me. Cept copycat posts from jak. Jak will say one thing and the kept post literally says the same thing in different wording. It's almost as if they want to pinpoint exactly what is wrong. Nothing good ever. Just the usual you're definitely playing the wrong scale there. I'm sure I'll hear the they are only trying to help you but quite honestly those other then jaks posts everything else is nothing but discouraging. Tried to think eh.. shouldn't matter. After yesterday though I now see the truth.

Whether you agree with what I had to say. I definitely didnt mean to offend anyone. Some people have different ideas and beliefs. There is NO REASON to completely belittle that person. And this is NOT the first time I've felt this way from that individual. The love he gets now makes me feel like complete garbage. I dont feel what I thought should be here. This place isnt making anyone feel welcome with comments like that. So I will be deciding to basically back away. I can't sit here wondering how someone who publically makes people feel like they are lesser for how they feel in life and how that's suppose to.make me want to be around when everyone sits there says hed definitel saying everything right while using the right word choices which btw made me feel.like I was nothing. I never once tried.to create a scene. And one for created anyways and it was all directed at me. So I will step away. I know when I'm.not wanted. The select few I met here I will.keep.in touch. But I refuse to be around people who apparantly get praise for making others feel like trash.

 

[Jak Angelescu]

I will be personally write to you To say much more than what I could say here. But I want you to know that I personally do not want you to back away at all. I love your presence here and I want you to stay here.

 

[Ed Seith]

Calvin. Broski. Let me get one thing out there. For all the love folks show me, there's something deep down y'all need to accept about me regardless. As a native New Yorker, I can be brash. I can be opinionated. I can be, in short, an asshole.

That in no way diminishes the awesomeness I can bring to the table, but it definitely rubs some people the wrong way. Obviously, I had that effect on you, and for that, I am genuinely sorry. I don't hate you. No one does. I wish you the very best, always, and would love nothing more than to see your fortunes turn and for you to be spreading your cheeks and shitting sunshine all over the rest of us.

^^^ See? That's the New Yorker there. I have no self-control.

So, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings or embarrassed you. That's just because you're family, and that's what family does sometimes. But family also bucks up and apologizes, so here I am. I love you, brother, and I'll do my best to be better in the future.

Peace.

 

[Manvir B]

❤ I appreciate everyone here, we all do.

 

[Brian Haner Sr.]

Hey Calvin,
Not sure of the details here. Honestly, I don't really want to. I know Ed is a good man - and sometimes - perhaps a bit too honest. (I can't imagine what that feels like). Anyway, I truly believe he wouldn't go out of his way to hurt you - or anybody else. And I'm not belittling your feelings. He said what he said and you took offense. We can at least agree on that much. And now he has apologized.
So moving beyond that - I obviously don't have time to follow everybody here, but I do follow a handful - especially the students who tend to be more active than others. You are one I check in on from time to time. You have come a LONG way as a player in a short amount of time. It would be a shame for you to "step back" - both for you AND for the community here.
However, you have to do what's right for you. But understand that you are always welcome here.
I appreciate you.
The only advice I can give you is to take care of yourself and be happy. Sometimes that's a lot of work.
Looking forward to seeing more of your vids.
Be well,
PG

 

[Calvin Phillips]

I see you following my videos pg and I'm happy to hear you see my progress. Jak always has kind things to say as well. I think a lot of people here have.

He may not have meant to but it happened. Theres much more going on in my life then opinions of someone at the school. I'm still no where near recovered from the robbery in August. I have multiple set backs. Example today was the flooded basement living room i had due to a leak in the pipes. Things never seem to stop for me and this was a massive boiling point for me. I talked to ed in PMS. And the others who reached out. I'm still not sure what I want to do though.

Other issues I've had is people telling me or telling someone that their advice is the better route then mine. I wont name drop bit theres been a time or two where people have straight up said no do it this way. I understand we all learn different. Which is why this is frustrating. (No this wasnt ed). Debates can happen surely. But itd be nice to keep it professional. If you cant bite your tongue maybe best to do it in a PM.

I am at wrong too. I shouldn't have posted anything here about my beliefs. As I told ed in PM tho a simple PM could have deleted the post there. I just wanted to say that here too.

I'm just starting to see people progress.. and we all are trying to help each other. So we need to remember that while you may not agree.. you have to use your choice of words correctly because people DO follow suit. And the last thing I want to see is everyone Insulting everyone else because they dont do the same routine. Or the same tempo.. I'm sure you get what I'm saying there.

This was a huge boiling point for me. Outside the school is where the real struggles are. I watch people succeed who dont deserve it..(the guy who robbed me is apparently getting engaged now and happy and in love). Meanwhile i struggle to even find my way. It's hard to find good minded people in the world. There are some good people here. Some reached out to me. I appreciated those words.

I'm not sure what I want to do right now. I had to take an emergency day to deal with my plumbing issue so theres another 200 gone. Thank god it wasn't sewage...

 

[Brian Haner Sr.]

I agree. Words matter and we all need to think before we speak.
Sorry to hear you are going through some shit. When it rains, it pours. On the other hand, I've found that when things turn around, a bunch of good things can happen all at once just as quickly. As they say - this too shall pass.
And yeah - as far as bad things happening to good people and good things happening to bad people - that's life. It can be very unfair.
I wouldn't begin to tell you what happens next. Who the fuck knows? I CAN tell you that it has been my experience that work pays off. Almost NOTHING else does - but work does. Whether it's your education, your guitar playing, your relationships, your family, or your job. Nobody will give you anything. Do the work. Keep your head down. Trust the work.
Good things have always happened to me when I just quietly did the work.
Wishing you nothing but the best!
PG

 

[Manvir B]

I agree. Words matter and we all need to think before we speak.
Sorry to hear you are going through some shit. When it rains, it pours. On the other hand, I've found that when things turn around, a bunch of good things can happen all at once just as quickly. As they say - this too shall pass.
And yeah - as far as bad things happening to good people and good things happening to bad people - that's life. It can be very unfair.
I wouldn't begin to tell you what happens next. Who the fuck knows? I CAN tell you that it has been my experience that work pays off. Almost NOTHING else does - but work does. Whether it's your education, your guitar playing, your relationships, your family, or your job. Nobody will give you anything. Do the work. Keep your head down. Trust the work.
Good things have always happened to me when I just quietly did the work.
Wishing you nothing but the best!
PG

That was beautiful

 

[Calvin Phillips]

I agree. Words matter and we all need to think before we speak.
Sorry to hear you are going through some shit. When it rains, it pours. On the other hand, I've found that when things turn around, a bunch of good things can happen all at once just as quickly. As they say - this too shall pass.
And yeah - as far as bad things happening to good people and good things happening to bad people - that's life. It can be very unfair.
I wouldn't begin to tell you what happens next. Who the fuck knows? I CAN tell you that it has been my experience that work pays off. Almost NOTHING else does - but work does. Whether it's your education, your guitar playing, your relationships, your family, or your job. Nobody will give you anything. Do the work. Keep your head down. Trust the work.
Good things have always happened to me when I just quietly did the work.
Wishing you nothing but the best!
PG

I have had to work for everything in my life. I agree. The hard work has paid off. The progress has bee made. In a lot of areas. Theres still room to go. I've made strides bit the setbacks are the hard part. My social anxiety doesn't help matters much and my old roommate has weakened my reputation at work since he split on me. So I've been working hard there trying to mend that as well. Needless to say my support system is very small and I'm forced a lot of time to do things myself. That does not stop me. But it is difficult.

I debated on leaving this off the site. But I will say that my hard work at guitar will never end. If I stopped posting here I'd still play. I'm proud of my progress. Everyone here should be. I even met a dude and jammed with him yesterday and we live streamed it. There is a link on fb. I can link any of you to it if you like. The struggle and grind is just the hard part. I do my best to keep my cool though. We all have our moments though.

I know I'll get caught back up. I'll have a new PC in a month. Then I can starting playing to the metronome again when I record. And getting back into the recordings rather then improvs. I cant play the metronome due to 4gbs or ram and a very slow ssd and hard drive. Terrible buy. Baby steps but progress is progress. I'm hoping this drummer will SUb in for my jams too. But i think making material with him is more important then the showing him my songs. I'd rather see what we can come up with together. I will be jamming with him again. Maybe a weekend thing now.

 

[Kat the metalhead]

I feel ya, I’m struggling too, I have no people to hangout with or talk to outside of this site.i basically live here. My one friend got a boyfriend who happens to be my other friend so they ignore my messages and I’m now the third wheel and my other friend lives an hour away from me so we barely see each other, so I basically sleep all day or do nothing because I’m not motivated or feel like I suck at everything I do so I just don’t do anything. I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression since grade 5 and it’s been tough I’ve been told, I can’t play metal on guitar cuz I’m a girl, that I’ll be living on the streets when I’m done high school. I thought I wouldn’t graduate high school because I was struggling with being bullied, who to trust and I was seen as the weird kid no one accepted this even went for teachers. But I did it! It was hard but I did it. I was also so close to giving up on guitar for good because I felt I wasn’t improving and I wasn’t getting any good feedback from others. But this site saved me and made me want to play again. There will be rough patches in life but also good patches. It will get easier! There’s also lots of room for improvement and change. For example I have never posted a video of me playing on this site because I’m too scared and never play for people but I’m gonna work on eventually doing that ! I can’t believe I just shared all this stuff but if I feel it will help why not say it

 

[Edward John]

I agree. Words matter and we all need to think before we speak.
Sorry to hear you are going through some shit. When it rains, it pours. On the other hand, I've found that when things turn around, a bunch of good things can happen all at once just as quickly. As they say - this too shall pass.
And yeah - as far as bad things happening to good people and good things happening to bad people - that's life. It can be very unfair.
I wouldn't begin to tell you what happens next. Who the fuck knows? I CAN tell you that it has been my experience that work pays off. Almost NOTHING else does - but work does. Whether it's your education, your guitar playing, your relationships, your family, or your job. Nobody will give you anything. Do the work. Keep your head down. Trust the work.
Good things have always happened to me when I just quietly did the work.
Wishing you nothing but the best!
PG

Papa Gates, once again proving why he is the man.

 

[Rute Rodrigues]

Hey Calvin! I wanted to say sorry once again. It's kinda my fault all of this cause it was me who wrote the thread.
I can only say sorry and hope you two can forget this and be friends again. Be well Calvin, hope to see you back dude
Rute

 

[Jak Angelescu]

Hey Calvin! I wanted to say sorry once again. It's kinda my fault all of this cause it was me who wrote the thread.
I can only say sorry and hope you two can forget this and be friends again. Be well Calvin, hope to see you back dude
Rute

Rute for the last time nothing was your fault. Stop saying that. Nobody thinks that. We've already spoken with you how your post was a nice post looking out for your friends

 

[Calvin Phillips]

Hey Calvin! I wanted to say sorry once again. It's kinda my fault all of this cause it was me who wrote the thread.
I can only say sorry and hope you two can forget this and be friends again. Be well Calvin, hope to see you back dude
Rute

You're not at fault rute. You were just a concerned person. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[Alicia Willis]

Not sure exactly what happened and I don’t need to. But, sometimes it’s good to just let shit roll off. I’m so sorry you’re having a difficult time, I’m sure most of us here relate to that deeply.
This truly is a great group of people and I don’t feel Ed would intentionally be malicious. I see he has said his piece and now you should move on. I learned a long time ago, holding grudges won’t achieve anything but hold YOU back. So, if you feel the need to leave the site, I understand. However, you do contribute here and I feel like this could be a great support system if you allow it to be. Often times a lot gets lost in translation when it comes to text. You can’t hear someones “tone” when they type something. I always remind myself of that and I think you should too. Hope you find what you’re looking for and I sincerely hope things get better for you Calvin !