Almost feel like giving up

[idssdi]

Simple, hard truth time.

Your parents actually WANT you to succeed. They do love you. They have difficulty accepting that music is a path to success.

They're not wrong, if you're honest. For every Syn out there making millions, there are literally millions out there not making ANYTHING. I know - I was one of them. Well, still am, but it's less relevant to me now. There's a REASON that most first-generation entertainment success stories are people who started with nothing - they had nothing to lose and parents could pin their hopes on the minuscule chance of success like buying a lottery ticket with their last $2.

Syn is not first generation. Papa (I think) was. He could speak to his life growing up, if he wants to, but it may have been long enough ago that it didn't matter (no offense, big man!) - the industry changes a lot.

Grades = choices. Period. The better your grades are, the more choices you will have in life. The more options and, dare I say, the more freedom. To pursue your passions, or whatever. And if you've gathered the smarts along with the chops, you're not relying on people you may or may not be able to trust to handle those decisions for you. Read up on Billy Joel and what his brother-in-law/manager did to him. There are a million stories like that. They used to call them "Behind the Music" on VH1.

The other equation to consider is "communication = maturity." Take some time to compose your thoughts about a compromise you could make with your parents. Sit down with them calmly (at a good, calm time for all of you), and let them know you want to work towards a solution that proves to them that you're taking your schoolwork seriously while also allowing you reasonable time to play guitar. Explain that you know that while you want to be a successful musician, you are also aware that you need to have a backup plan and that knowledge is power - that even if you DO make it in music, you understand that you need an education to really understand it.

My parents did not understand my love of music. They never got it. But as long as my grades were decent, they left me alone. Not GREAT, but decent. Find the balance that works with your parents. They DO love you - they just don't understand a better way to approach it. There's no handbook that comes with the job, and it's REALLY FUCKING HARD sometimes. We make mistakes.

And you... You're very good. VERY good. But that's no guarantee of success. Being the BEST is no guarantee of success. That's entertainment.

Good luck. We love you.

I get why Syn calls you 'the truth' because that's some really solid advice

 

[Ed Seith]

Ed, you should be charging people for this kind of advice! Plus, it took a lot not to mention a certain band in Canada.

Well, with Neil passed now, there was no point, but I'll look for places to mention Rush in the future, for sure. Thanks for the advice!

 

[carlosmqr]

Simple, hard truth time.

Your parents actually WANT you to succeed. They do love you. They have difficulty accepting that music is a path to success.

They're not wrong, if you're honest. For every Syn out there making millions, there are literally millions out there not making ANYTHING. I know - I was one of them. Well, still am, but it's less relevant to me now. There's a REASON that most first-generation entertainment success stories are people who started with nothing - they had nothing to lose and parents could pin their hopes on the minuscule chance of success like buying a lottery ticket with their last $2.

Syn is not first generation. Papa (I think) was. He could speak to his life growing up, if he wants to, but it may have been long enough ago that it didn't matter (no offense, big man!) - the industry changes a lot.

Grades = choices. Period. The better your grades are, the more choices you will have in life. The more options and, dare I say, the more freedom. To pursue your passions, or whatever. And if you've gathered the smarts along with the chops, you're not relying on people you may or may not be able to trust to handle those decisions for you. Read up on Billy Joel and what his brother-in-law/manager did to him. There are a million stories like that. They used to call them "Behind the Music" on VH1.

The other equation to consider is "communication = maturity." Take some time to compose your thoughts about a compromise you could make with your parents. Sit down with them calmly (at a good, calm time for all of you), and let them know you want to work towards a solution that proves to them that you're taking your schoolwork seriously while also allowing you reasonable time to play guitar. Explain that you know that while you want to be a successful musician, you are also aware that you need to have a backup plan and that knowledge is power - that even if you DO make it in music, you understand that you need an education to really understand it.

My parents did not understand my love of music. They never got it. But as long as my grades were decent, they left me alone. Not GREAT, but decent. Find the balance that works with your parents. They DO love you - they just don't understand a better way to approach it. There's no handbook that comes with the job, and it's REALLY FUCKING HARD sometimes. We make mistakes.

And you... You're very good. VERY good. But that's no guarantee of success. Being the BEST is no guarantee of success. That's entertainment.

Good luck. We love you.

Ed that was an amazing post! I think the same way but would never be able to explain the same way!

Rute I think the same way as Ed, but just add here that specially in a country like ours is to difficult to live and have an ok life if you dont have a degree trust me (and Im not talking money over happiness, but you need a house, food and pay bills...maybe buy another guitar and amp) and thats why your parents want you to have something to rely on, because they know, if they done it the right way or not thats another subject.....
You can do both, and always follow your dreams, if you really want something you find a way!
As a parent I see things in a different way now, and I understand some stuff my parents told me when I was a "kid" and that were going against what I wanted at the time.

 

[Calvin Phillips]

Just be a nurse if you really want to do it. Dont do something you won't or you went sure you will be happy for. Especially with college and university .. you dont wanna waste that money if you aren't sure it's for you.

 

[Edward John]

Well, with Neil passed now, there was no point, but I'll look for places to mention Rush in the future, for sure. Thanks for the advice!

I was actually talking about Triumph, of course.

 

[Moonrunner]

I've read your post. I dont wanna screw things up, so... please take what I say with a grain of salt. However, I would like to tell you about one of my friends.

He was an A+ student, top of the class, he started medicine, and when he was 23-24 he dropped it.
I always asked him why he didn't commit to the end, just 2 more years; he was doing great, he liked medicine etc....
What he really wanted was to make a living out of music, not have a job with money and no time for himself at all. He liked medicine, but he loved music. When he dropped from university he started studying even more music. He went from having a local band and knowing intermediate stuff to get in an actual music school and learned properly.

He pretty much made it. Nowdays he has his own music combo and plenty of my friends work with him/for him. He has money and has free time, However its not that simple. From January to May the combo has to practise, He does arranges, he does the choreography for the band... he really works his ass.. but he feels acomplished. Then they have dates, spent all summer out there playing. All over North of Spain. Its a pretty thought life. Just add "fucked up" stuff like: not geting paid (rare, but can happens), all the fatigue, flat tires and no makin it in time...

He stills play guitar tho, but he also sings and dances. Its his fulltime job.
It may have been luck, maybe not.
What i can tell you for certain, he would do it again if he had to.

Just wanted to share, hope it helps you. Before doing anything, try really "talking to you" an introspection. What you want to do if you make it out there, what you dont want. Would you be able to sustain yourself economically? Dont depend on your parents? Etc... all that stuff
Its really tought tho, not as easy said as done.

I hope nothing but the best for you, cheers.

 

[AGA]

Simple, hard truth time.

Your parents actually WANT you to succeed. They do love you. They have difficulty accepting that music is a path to success.

They're not wrong, if you're honest. For every Syn out there making millions, there are literally millions out there not making ANYTHING. I know - I was one of them. Well, still am, but it's less relevant to me now. There's a REASON that most first-generation entertainment success stories are people who started with nothing - they had nothing to lose and parents could pin their hopes on the minuscule chance of success like buying a lottery ticket with their last $2.

Syn is not first generation. Papa (I think) was. He could speak to his life growing up, if he wants to, but it may have been long enough ago that it didn't matter (no offense, big man!) - the industry changes a lot.

Grades = choices. Period. The better your grades are, the more choices you will have in life. The more options and, dare I say, the more freedom. To pursue your passions, or whatever. And if you've gathered the smarts along with the chops, you're not relying on people you may or may not be able to trust to handle those decisions for you. Read up on Billy Joel and what his brother-in-law/manager did to him. There are a million stories like that. They used to call them "Behind the Music" on VH1.

The other equation to consider is "communication = maturity." Take some time to compose your thoughts about a compromise you could make with your parents. Sit down with them calmly (at a good, calm time for all of you), and let them know you want to work towards a solution that proves to them that you're taking your schoolwork seriously while also allowing you reasonable time to play guitar. Explain that you know that while you want to be a successful musician, you are also aware that you need to have a backup plan and that knowledge is power - that even if you DO make it in music, you understand that you need an education to really understand it.

My parents did not understand my love of music. They never got it. But as long as my grades were decent, they left me alone. Not GREAT, but decent. Find the balance that works with your parents. They DO love you - they just don't understand a better way to approach it. There's no handbook that comes with the job, and it's REALLY FUCKING HARD sometimes. We make mistakes.

And you... You're very good. VERY good. But that's no guarantee of success. Being the BEST is no guarantee of success. That's entertainment.

Good luck. We love you.

I agree. This is beautiful advice Ed!

 

[Edward John]

An Ed's advice forum?

 

[Ed Seith]

"Dear Captain" with a picture of Ann Landers, for those of you old enough to remember her.

 

[MidnightA]

Hi brothers and sisters, as you know I used to be a pretty much active member here but maybe you realised that these last days I kinda disappeared from the forums.
I talked to my best friends here, they already know the shit I'm living but I think I should talk to you too. You guys are a 2nd family to me. I miss you guys. So here it goes:

I've been with problems about how to be a guitar student and a school student. I'm in 11th grade in a science course, like the hardest year ever. My grades are REALLY bad, and, because of that my parents dont let me play as much as I want. They tell me to study all my free time and they only let me play at the end of the day for 30/40 minutes.

They say that if I don't do better at school, they take my guitars with them...
Last month they toke my guitars with them and they put them in a locked room and I didn't play for so long... They always say that I'm destroying my future when I'm practicing instead of studying. They say I'm stupid. They say I play bad. They say that there's too much good players on earth, so no one cares about me.

They say if my grades keep bad they sell my guitars.

I've been working hard to get better grades, I really am, but I can't. School is hard. Maths, chemistry... I can't do good....

I don't wanna give up guys. I'm trying to play sweep picking 2nd etude. I'm trying, I don't know if I can. Music is my only passion, the only thing I care about and the only thing gives me joy. The only job I want. My dad wants me to be a doctor. My mum wants me to b a nurse. I want me in a good job with money. I don't care about that I want to make a living on music, you know? I'd love to have supportative parents, ID love to go to a music school

I don't any live gigs to play. Don't have anyone to jam with. I'm alone in my room trying to understand chemistry formulas while I just can practice for 40 minutes. I want to practice for at least 4 hours, but I can't....

I don't know. I don't wanna give up. I'll try to be back more active here as some time ago, maybe it helps me to don't give up... Miss this family, I love you so much.

Did you have parents like mine when you were 16?

I'm actually a science major in college. In all labs, my group depends on me to keep them afloat on our projects. Therefore, if you want some extra help, tutoring, going over assignments, let me know! I use to work as a tutor as well teaching a group of 5-8th graders for a while. We can work something out.

 

[John Robinson]

I'm actually a science major in college. In all labs, my group depends on me to keep them afloat on our projects. Therefore, if you want some extra help, tutoring, going over assignments, let me know! I use to work as a tutor as well teaching a group of 5-8th graders for a while. We can work something out.

Thats what im talking about...metal people are the best in the world....very cool

 

[John Robinson]

"Dear Captain" with a picture of Ann Landers, for those of you old enough to remember her.

Ed..im that old

 

[Kai C]

I think everybody has already hit the point but I'd like to throw my 2 cents in there. Some here are saying your parents are evil, mean, or tyrannical. But I don't think so. I know you're from a different culture than most of us here on the school so it's a bit different. It sounds like they truly want you to succeed in life. However, and this is the big point, I don't think what they're doing is the RIGHT way for success but they probably don't realize that. To them either being a doctor/nurse/rocket surgeon/etc was the way to success or the only thing they can think of that could fix whatever situation they're in. But by pushing an education, that means they care for your success.

So my advice is that you really need to do some research on what you WANT to do. And I don't mean blanket answers, like "I want to play music". You can leave home now with an accoustic and busk for a low low wage living while serving diners if all you really wanted to do was play music. Maybe sound engineering, guitar technician/ roadie or luthier. Or music producer.

I'll always agree that education is the key to everything, and that means actually understanding the material you're learning. And understand that math and physics, while good for problem solving development, really won't help you in the long run unless you're in those career paths by trade. There's also business classes, and language classes, communication classes. Wood shop, metalworking, automotive, or computer networking too. I don't know who's picking your classes, but you should always be in charge of your own classes. Suck it up and get the PASSING (C's make degrees hun) grades for the classes you need, and blow the easy ones out of the water.

The rest is about communication with your parents that it's your life and you're following a path that you've researched and can back that up with school results. You're 16, you're almost out of the house most likely, and you have the rest of your life ahead of you as long as you make good choices. You got this

 

[Rute Rodrigues]

I just wanted to thank you for all the amazing advices. Every one of you that wrote a post helped me to think better and to find a solution. You helped me to relax and understand things better. I know my parents love me and they want the best for me.
They are just afraid that if I follow music I don't get success. I have the best parents ever BC they care about me. I have friends that their parents dont care about their life. I'm lucky. I see it now. You helped me to realise that.

I had a conversation with my parents yesterday. Told them that at the same time I want music, I want a job with stability to have my own family one day. Told them that I want to study and I'm doing my best at school, and at the same time I need to save time to play at the end of the day.

They understood everything and apologized for being too rude sometimes. They won't take my guitars away again, my dad promised. I promised that Ill do better at school. They promised me that if I end high school with good grades they pay me a guitar course in Lisbon when I'm 18.

Again, you helped me to talk with my parents. A big thank you for you all. I love you all. You are the best!!

 

[Rute Rodrigues]

So I'll study the 2 things at same time. Music is not mode important that school, and school is not more important than school. They are equal now. If one day I find a way to make a good living on music, would be awesome. Really awesome. It can happen if put the effort. But it cannot happen too cause, yeah, x) so Ill need a 2nd job.
Once again, thank you!!

 

[Adin Shepherd]

Good to hear Rute, I think this is the result we were all hoping for, a compromise that works for both you and your parents.

Good luck with your future studies!

 

[Kai C]

@Rute Rodrigues I'm glad to hear it worked out well! Remember, stay on the warpath towards getting what you want. You can do it!

 

[Edward John]

I just wanted to thank you for all the amazing advices. Every one of you that wrote a post helped me to think better and to find a solution. You helped me to relax and understand things better. I know my parents love me and they want the best for me.
They are just afraid that if I follow music I don't get success. I have the best parents ever BC they care about me. I have friends that their parents dont care about their life. I'm lucky. I see it now. You helped me to realise that.

I had a conversation with my parents yesterday. Told them that at the same time I want music, I want a job with stability to have my own family one day. Told them that I want to study and I'm doing my best at school, and at the same time I need to save time to play at the end of the day.

They understood everything and apologized for being too rude sometimes. They won't take my guitars away again, my dad promised. I promised that Ill do better at school. They promised me that if I end high school with good grades they pay me a guitar course in Lisbon when I'm 18.

Again, you helped me to talk with my parents. A big thank you for you all. I love you all. You are the best!!

Great, sound like pretty reasonable parents to me.

 

[Ed Seith]

Good humans, all around. Glad it's settling down and working out! Now, as Father Frank used to say, shut up 'n play yer guitar!

 

[Edward John]

Good humans, all around. Glad it's settling down and working out! Now, as Father Frank used to say, shut up 'n play yer guitar!

Sorry, Ed. I had to google this Father Frank, .